Micah Bryant - 08/02/2010
Hello and God bless. My father, Scott Davis, introduced me to the UBM website. I do appreciate your true word and it helped me give my life back to God. I just wanted to share my testimony with you all and I hope that if anyone has had some of the problems I have had, it will help them overcome.
I was raised in the church since a little girl. Both my parents were evangelists. So, needless to say, whether they preached truth or not, I had a basic foundation of our Lord Jesus Christ. However, due to how strictly I was raised in the church and the lack of love from the church body and constantly being taught condemnation from this particular church, I did not want God, if that was what God was. Nor did I ever feel "I" would be good enough.
I always knew I was a child of God because of my name (LOL) and the fact that God gave me a miracle when I was 22 months old. After I graduated high school, I and my best friend at the time were really into going out and clubbing. When we graduated (1999) our motto was to go out every day of the week and rest on Sundays.
When I was 20, I meet a Muslim guy whose name is Farad. I remember my dad saying, "A Muslim ... Micah? But who was I to judge? I wasn't saved and wasn't a devout Christian and he was not a practicing Muslim either. He was just raised that way, as I was raised under the Sabbath! I got pregnant out of wedlock six months after we met I was actually happy because this helped slow me down in the club world and I immediately stopped drinking and smoking cigarettes for the baby's sake. I also stopped working at the night club because the smell of smoke made me very sick.
Farad was never around and was the typical ghetto "baby-daddy". After having our first daughter on November 13, 2001 (De'ja Mo'ret) he became abusive.
Shortly after he busted my head through the wall, I moved to Springfield, Missouri to get away and to see if I could start clean. We still were corresponding with each other and when my daughter De'ja was five months old, I found out I was pregnant again. I wanted to kill myself before having another one of his children; I wanted to abort the baby because I did not want it. I attempted to starve myself and became mental. All my furniture was still in St. Louis and here I was pregnant - with a baby and sleeping on a blow-up air mattress that deflated every night. I had a friend from India who offered to give me the $500 dollars for an abortion, but my mother was on me and just would not let me do it. I went to the abortion clinic and everything. But even then something inside me said, "Don't do this". So I did not abort my beautiful little baby girl!
I smoked marijuana the entire pregnancy due to being depressed. This is the only time in my life I cursed my mother out because she asked me to please stop smoking for the baby's sake but I couldn't see past how badly I did not want the baby. I had our second daughter in December 19, 2002. I named her Mikyah Syrine (pronounced my-kay-uh). I had her two months early and she only weighed 4lbs/12oz. All the doctors thought she would need to be in ICU; however, God protected my baby and she was healthy. While I was pregnant, even in my sins, I would pray to God and ask him to please make my baby safe and healthy and not to fault her for me not being able to stop smoking.
Six months after I had Mikyah, I attempted to reconcile with my daughter's father, Farad, and relocated back to St. Louis. Again, he was never home and constantly cheated. He had asked me to marry him but it had gotten back to me that he told his family once we were married, I "would convert to the Muslim religion and our daughters would attend a private Muslim school". I felt I was trapped and would never leave him alone, so when Mikyah was six months old, I tried to commit suicide. I was rushed to the ER and my stomach was pumped. I was put into a mental ward and on Prozac.
Shortly after this suicide episode, Farad became abusive again, so I moved back to Springfield and in with my mother. I became very promiscuous and this sickened me that I did not respect myself. At some point, though, my mom and I both grew tired of running from God, so she, my stepfather and I gave our lives to God! My mother started a church because we felt all the other churches were not preaching truth because they did not preach the sabbath. We were not Seventh Day Adventists but believed very closely to pentecostal faith, but not in trinity and not in oneness either. I was always raised up to believe there was no rapture and was always taught about the mark of the beast (the chip). But the church I grew up under I now realize is putting the law under the new covenant. At this time, I thought being saved was wearing long skirts and trying within myself to refrain from sin. I can truly say God never delivered me, but I had just suppressed my desires from smoking marijuana and wanting to go out and club it and be promiscuous. I stayed saved for 11 months and then I went back out into the world.
I then started my depression spiral; I have been prescribed Prozac, Effexor, Zoloft, Wellbutrin, LexaPro, Buspar and Norpramin. Because I could not stop smoking and would eat a lot of munchies food due to the side effects of marijuana, I became bulimic. I would smoke, eat and throw up. But I, too, was in denial that I had anything wrong with me. I would feel not fat as long as I threw up everything I ate before I went to sleep. I had boyfriends move in and out with me, but I was never happy. I remember my dad told me once that I would know what man was meant for me, if they loved my children because only God could put true love in a man's heart.
Well, I met this Italian guy named Justin in September 2006. He really loved my children. Even though he had been to prison for selling crack and marijuana, and did not know much about God (almost atheist), and had told me some scary stories of his past, I kept thinking, this is the type of person Jesus came to save. So in the beginning I did not judge him because I knew only God could put love in someone's heart for children who were not his.
We moved in together shortly after we met. Justin helped me stop being bulimic. Of course we liked each other even better because we both got high together all the time and felt like that connected us. My baby girl, Mikyah, got molested by a close family member, so we decided to leave Springfield and relocate to Jacksonville, Florida.
Justin had family in Jacksonville who said they would help us get on our feet. Once down there, we both stopped smoking marijuana so we would be able to pass drug tests for new jobs. However, I got severely depressed from being far away from my family. Justin would not let the girls' biological father communicate with them because he was not paying the court-ordered child support I had to get due to being on welfare in the past. Justin became very jealous (I am African-American) and we lived in a predominately African-American neighborhood and all the guys were looking at us like, why is she with that white dude? We stopped being able to communicate and he was very angry all the time, punching holes in walls, etc. I quit my job I had at that point, working downtown on the riverfront of Jacksonville, and packed my car up with not much money (amazingly God provided) and headed back to Springfield six months after we moved to Florida. Of course Justin was not happy after I left and we reconciled and he moved back to Springfield one month later.
Justin and I got married September 25, 2008. We had our daughter (Justice Giavanna) on December 31, 2008. I smoked marijuana the entire pregnancy with her as well. He lost his job in May 2009, so I had to begin to support our family. I got prideful and lost respect for him, but that is because I always felt used by men (unforgiveness again). Anyway, to mask our emotions, because I knew he didn't feel like a man, our habit for marijuana increased more than it ever had. Our habit became a $650 a month expense. I would come home on my lunch breaks and smoke, and once I got home I would smoke all evening. I was always in denial that I was an addict because I was not a crackhead. Justin and I smoked around the children so they would get used to it and we would just tell them it was cigars. When they would come home from school with pamphlets on not doing drugs, I would still be in denial and say, "Well, mommy just smokes cigars". Well, hallelujah, I had a praying grandmother and father!
I never stopped praying that God take it from me because I was raised in the church and both my parents are spiritual, and I did not want to be lost!
Oddly enough, I read a lot of books to escape and my dad kept saying, "Micah, you have to read this Sunshine book". This was around November or December 2009. I read the book in a matter of two days and could feel the Holy Spirit ministering to me through this book. I just had no idea that Christians could be this nice because all the Christians I grew up with were judgmental. I remember telling my husband, I want to be that loving! I couldn't believe Sunshine would go up to a bum on the street and just start talking to him about deliverance! So when I heard Teresa had a heart attack, I wanted to email her and tell her my miracle and what her book meant to me! She emailed back, which was very nice. We then developed a friendship. She started teaching me that Jesus is love and not condemnation and that I was taught law when I was little and that is not how the Word of God works for His new covenant.
I had become unhappy at my job and Justin still was not able to find another job, so I said to Justin, "Let's move back to Florida". But right when I said that, my dad was like, "I don't know Micah, you need to listen to this study online with UBM. After listening to my first UBM study ever, dated March 3, 2010, and watching the Aaron Russo "America: Freedom to Fascism" video and seeing that the mark (RFID) chip is real, I started to really pray for deliverance. Teresa also emailed me and warned me not to move to Florida. At this point when I heard the study, I really wanted the word written on my heart so I could have faith that God will provide and not have me doubt and take the chip.
So Justin and I decided not to move to Florida and I started saying by faith, "God, would provide us with the funds for tribulation land?" At this point I had been with Anthem Blue Cross and Blue Shield for three years and my raise was not as lucrative as I wanted, so I decided to start shopping for a new job. I was still supporting my husband with three children and no child support from the girls' daddy who still lives in St. Louis. I would complain to Teresa about what all I did and how I felt unappreciated and how I blamed everything on Justin, and she would tell me that I must decrease so my husband could increase, and that I could not save Justin - only God could save him. Well, I never wanted to not work! So I just did not get what Teresa was trying to tell me.
I got a really good job at an insurance broker's office, as an account service representative. Even though I was still thankful to God, I still was very prideful and self-righteous. I was making $32,000 a year starting off, with great potential for more money. After 90 days of employment, they were going to pay for me to get licensed in medical health insurance so I could maybe be a broker in the future.
My stepfather had a heart attack in his sleep June 2, 2010. He had been helping my mother raise me since I was 14, so I took it really hard. Depression set in. Justin and I were masking our feelings by being so high all the time. Justin stayed home with our baby while I worked and also watched my older two daughters (in the summer), so our roles were somewhat reversed. But I did not want to stay at home. I wanted to work. But I would degrade him for not trying hard enough to get a job and not having his GED.
On June 17, 2010 we had an argument via text and he said he was going to move out to his dad's. But when I got home and checked the safe (we don't do bank accounts) he had stolen my student loan money (total of $1,500 -- and not only that but my baby, our daughter - Justice - 19 months old) and left me and went to Florida. I called the police but they said there was nothing I could do because we are married. As far as the money went, what is mine is his. The police said I would have to contact a lawyer about parental kidnapping if he was gone for an extended amount of time.
Then, on June 23, 2010, the broker's office decided I did not meet the expectations of the position so they fired me! So here I am with this quarter pound of marijuana and no money and no husband and my baby daughter gone. I felt I was going to go mental. I have never had any of my children stolen, so I just felt so distraught. I just wanted to not live anymore and smoke myself into oblivion.
I took my oldest girls to St. Louis to their dad because I did not want them to see me have a mental breakdown. But, thank God and hallelujah, I had people praying for (thank you, Dad and Teresa) for Satan to loose me - and my dad told me I was in a crisis and that, just like Esther, I need to fast and give it to God. Just like when I was 22 months old, he said I had spinal meningitis and the left side of my body was paralyzed and the doctors said I would be a special needs child for the rest of my life. They were going to make me one of those chairs and everything, like the chairs you see those cerebral palsy children have. My parents were very sincere and freshly Christian with faith as a grain of mustard seed and fasted three days and stood on what God's Word said about healing. Well, miraculously, the doctors couldn't believe it! God gave me a miracle. So my dad reminded me of this and said, "Micah, you are in a crisis; take a stand!" But, of course, I was like, "Tomorrow, Dad", because all I wanted to do was smoke and not think about what was really going on.
I wanted deliverance. SO I called my dad and told him I was coming over and that I probably would have to go through withdrawal at his house. BUT it seemed as soon as I got to my dad's and started listening to spiritual, uplifting music and these online Bible studies with Unleavened Bread Ministries, God instantly delivered me. I have no cravings or desires at all! Hallelujah!!!
Then I started praying for forgiveness and not to be bitter at my husband and asking God that he just bring my baby back. I realized that, if I didn't forgive my husband, how could God forgive me? I repented for all my sins. I fasted and travailed. I let the Spirit dwell in my mortal body. I spoke in tongues. Whatever God's Spirit had me do, I did it. I got baptized as well.
Anyway, it took three weeks but Justin finally brought her back. I then felt led to get everything off my chest and told him about that one time I committed adultery. At first he said he wanted a divorce and I was fine with that because then I didn't have any roadblock and I could be married to Christ. But then he called back and said he could forgive me, if I could forgive him. Hey, what can I do but forgive? The Bible commands us to! As a wife, if my husband chooses to dwell with me (a believer), then he is sanctified by my belief. My conversation and faith that God can circumcise his heart and make him the man of God He intends him to be is what will win him over to God's army. (1Co.7:13) And the woman that hath an unbelieving husband, and he is content to dwell with her, let her not leave her husband. (14) For the unbelieving husband is sanctified in the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified in the brother: else were your children unclean; but now are they holy.
SO he wished to dwell with me! I really couldn't believe he would forgive me because that is the one thing he said he could never live with, if I cheated on him. So, needless to say, we agreed to be separated; he lives in Florida now. I am not sure how long he will be gone. He is working for his family business, helping out his sick grandfather and he got a job as a kitchen manager. It is good to see him working and respect himself again. He says he may possibly be gone a year. I just pray God keeps him safe. Before he left and went back to Florida, I printed all the dreams and visions from the UBM website about Florida and subsiding states being destroyed and not being habitual, but he says he does not believe in all that. I know I am to win him by my behavior. (1Pe.3:2) beholding your chaste behavior coupled with fear. (3) Whose adorning let it not be the outward adorning of braiding the hair, and of wearing jewels of gold, or of putting on apparel; (4) but let it be the hidden man of the heart, in the incorruptible apparel of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price.
So I just keep praying he will return and not get called into captivity! I will rest in the Lord and get closer to His face because I have much to be forgiven for and am so thankful God loves me to deliver me and give me a miracle when I was a little girl. My husband Justin will be a servant of God and help lead our family, with my father Scott, through tribulation. By faith I confess this.
Hallelujah, this is my testimony. If God can save me, He can save you, too, and my husband is already saved. I know that while my husband is gone God just wants me to decrease so the Holy Spirit can increase in me. (Isa.40:31) but they that wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; they shall walk, and not faint.