Unleavened Bread Bible Study
Hidden Manna For the End Times
God bless in Jesus' name.
This is a scripture that the Lord spoke to me to say to people before telling this testimony: (1Co.4:5) Therefore judge nothing before the time, until the Lord come, who both will bring to light the hidden things of darkness, and will make manifest the counsels of the hearts: and then shall every man have praise of God. So that you will all understand, I have to say up front that I have left off going to doctors or using any form of medication whatsoever for eight years. This is why you will see me not going to them in the first part of this trial.
We have been in many trials and wildernesses in the past five years. Last year, by husband began to follow the Lord and repent and turn from sins. He was on fire for a bit and grew very fast. Then he got to a dry patch, we will say, which began with holding some things against some brethren and saying things out loud that he was told by the Lord he should not open his mouth to say. From there he began to get frustrated at many things and then just got into idleness. He stopped reading the Word, stopped fellowshipping, etc. During this time I also fell into idleness and, worse than that, I was having a whole new set of trials that I was not overcoming well. Before this the Lord had taught me how to stand in faith for my husband, no matter what things looked like and I had learned to do this well when he was in the world, but now that he was in the Lord I was just irritated at him, feeling like "now he should know better", and I was walking by sight and not with grace, compassion, faith or prayer toward him and it was not helping him overcome his situation. So I got a rash all over my body, except my head, hands and feet, and it itched terribly. And it did not go away when it seems it should have "run its course". I was trying to walk in faith about it, but since I was being this wrong way toward my husband, my faith was not strong about it. Many times I had to go and sit in my van at night and play Christian music and sing to the Lord and cry and cry out to him and lament because it was so terrible. While I was so miserable every time I had to go and cry out to Him I was so thankful because while my flesh felt horrible my spirit was encouraged and strengthened.
After a time this rash went away, but immediately I began to have new symptoms and they added up pretty fast within a few weeks to months. A list of the symptoms I was having was this: toothache, swollen face, swollen lymph nodes in my neck that looked HUGE and bulging, swollen arm and chest ALL on the LEFT SIDE and shortness of breath (I could not walk or stand for long the veins in my chest and neck were very blue and visible). I began to not be able to lay down at all, so I had to sleep sitting up, bent over forward over pillows. I did not sleep much. I could not cough, hiccup, sneeze, throw up or burp and I could not stretch.
When all these things began to happen (it was gradual but in a short time), the Lord gave me a dream showing me my sin and I repented. Right after I repented, a sister in the Lord had a dream where the Lord spoke to her a word for my husband. The Lord told her in the dream to tell my husband, "Thus said the Lord, 'You and your wife have turned your faces from Me and your wife has repented. Now if you will turn your heart to Me, I will turn also to you and I will forgive your sins and I will heal your land'." This was right after I repented, so no one knew. And when she had this dream, the Lord revealed to me that I was my husband's land that God would heal if he would turn to him. AMEN. So my husband repented and we began to fight this thing in faith that was going on with me. We were walking by faith that God would heal me.
Every time it appeared that things would flare up, we would go into the bedroom and pray together and we would war against this and declare the promises of God. We were doing this several times a day for a couple weeks. During that time, the swelling in my lymph nodes went completely away and the swelling in my neck went down and my face would go back and forth between normal and swollen. We learned to be very vigilant in this. When we would go too long without warring, things would get out of hand. Now, I am not saying that this is always needed and I am not saying that our works were doing anything to impress upon God to heal me, but what God was doing was teaching us to do spiritual war and be diligent before Him in prayer and faith. He was giving us a reason to get out of idleness and keep our eyes on Him alone.
So one day when we were doing this, The Lord began to show my husband a vision to guide and lead him. While we were praying and asking the Lord what to pray, the Lord showed him a vision of my husband and I in heaven before the throne of God and Jesus sitting on the throne, as well, watching. My husband and I were in the same position as we were in that exact moment in the bedroom. He saw the Lord watching us for a bit praying and then Jesus got up off His throne and walked over to me and placed His hand on my head.
Then that vision ended and my husband told me about it. Then a bit later, that same time of prayer, the Lord showed by husband to begin to pray against a spirit that was a scorpion (which the Lord revealed in the dream that I mentioned above that brought me to repent was that I had eaten a scorpion). When he would pray against this demon, I would begin to cough and spit up phlegm. I got the impression I would need to throw it up, so I would pray, also, when this happened for the Lord to bring it up and out. Then in the midst of this the Lord gave my husband another vision. He saw a huge scorpion and it appeared to be inside what was maybe my wind pipe or something, but he saw that it had its arms out and that it was clenching the sides of the wind pipe or whatever and that it was fearful because if it came out of me, it would be before the Lord and it did not want to be before His face; and my husband could see the fear of this thing. That was the end of that vision.
We began to command its legs to be cut off so that it could not hold on to me, and the tail to be cut off so that it could not sting me. Of course, we meant spiritually because you cannot literally cut off the legs of a demon. Anyway, then my husband saw its legs cut off and it fell down into my stomach area somewhere, so we knew it was my esophagus that it had been in. So we began to command it to come out now again and as my husband commanded it, I began to physically feel it in my body. It felt as if it was inside, but I felt it inside by back area, as if its legs were poking into the inside of my back as it walked up to get out as he commanded it. I knew it was moving up to get out, as it was under command to do. My husband was moving his hand up my back, leading it where it had to go to get out of me. As I was feeling it, I believe my husband felt it, also, and it freaked him out for a second because it was hurting me and so he took his hand off me and backed off. He wanted to seek God in prayer if it was safe to keep doing this and the Lord directed him YES. When we went back to it my husband could not find it at first but found it again and led it up by back to my neck where I spit up (not threw up) a huge ball of phlegm and we believed it was gone. AMEN -- The Lord confirmed it was indeed gone. From that time we kept praying each day and walking in faith for the symptoms that had been caused by this demon that I was delivered of to go away and things again were getting better.
Then, a week or two later of this praying when needed, my husband got an ear problem that he had had before and had caused him to speak against the Lord. When this ear problem came back, he left off praying for me when I needed it. He began to be idle for a couple of days and he began to curse the Lord for this ear problem. This only lasted for about three days or so, then I got a new symptom. On March 3, 2009, when I would try to sleep (again, remember sitting up, leaning forward over pillows), as I began to fall asleep I would sort of jump out of my sleep. There really is no way to describe this. It was not like the falling feeling; it was like I was about to die and my body was trying to revive me. This happened when I took a nap that day and it happened all night that night and when I took a nap the next day. My husband saw this happen and it freaked him out. It appeared outwardly almost like a convulsion. When he saw it happen he would begin to slap my face, yelling my name and in a second I would come out of it. He still was irritated with the Lord now and was just getting frustrated. I tried telling him things were getting worse because we were not being on top of this. I tried to tell him that he was letting his ear turn him against the Lord, but he was just fed up.
On the 4th at dinner time, I was sitting in a chair, drinking some water and my husband and mother-in-law and all my kids were in the room. I must have taken a drink and not swallowed fast enough to not lose air because, without knowing it, I blacked out and began to have what appeared to be a convulsion in the chair. My husband came over and was lightly slapping my face and saying my name and telling me to wake up. It only lasted a second or two, I guess, but I didn't know what happened. As my hearing came back to me (before my sight came back), I heard my mother-in-law say, "Take her", meaning to the hospital, and I remember feeling like the Lord and me were side by side outside of myself watching this and I was thinking, well, that's it, He is really going to make me go to the hospital now. And I knew there was no getting out of it and I was ok with that.
When I came totally around, I started saying, "What happened?" and no one would really answer me all the way. My husband said, "Get ready; we are going to the hospital". I went into the bedroom and sat on the bed to rest so I could get ready because I had emptied my bladder when that happened to me in the chair. Remember, I couldn't walk far at a time and was short of breath, so I was sitting there to rest from the short walk in there. All of a sudden, I felt like I was going to pass out and I yelled as much as I could muster to my husband, "DAN", and he came running just in time to reach the doorway and watch me fall face first off the bed, hitting my head on a speaker. He thought that I had just keeled over dead. He came over and I was clearly not dead, but he began again to slap me and yell my name. I came out of it thinking, what a strange position. I was laying on the floor stuck between the bed and the wall and I knew I had hit my head.
I got ready and he was going to drive me, but decided to call an ambulance because if I passed out like that on the road, he didn't want to try to deal with me and drive also. So the ambulance came and took me in. So I got to the hospital and they stuck me in Emergency on the stretcher getting oxygen for a couple hours waiting to get me a room. First they said I was going to be in room 2 or something, but gave it to someone else. Then they said I was going to be in Room 4, and gave it to someone else. Finally they put me at the end of the hall in Room 7 which was perfect. It was at the end of the hall near the bathroom so I didn't have to walk far to it and it was more private for the Lord's purposes and it was number 7! The sister in the Lord whose name is Leisa came up from her home an hour away to stay with my husband in the hospital (she is his real sister). When we got in the room, waiting for me to be seen, The Lord began to speak to my husband through her. In his heart he was very angry and in rebellion. He could not understand what was going on, but the Lord for hours poured out what needed to be said to him through her and eventually he began to see and repent and soften his heart to hear.
During this time, from here on out there were many times when it was like I was not even there. For hours at a time, day after day, they spoke in the hospital and fellowshipped and I do not remember almost any of it even though I was awake and in the room. Anyways they came and checked me out and decided to keep me. They didn't know what was wrong with me and wanted to do tests, so they had me see a very nice young cardiologist in Emergency who sat and thanked me for coming in. He sat and told me from his heart that if I were his sister, he would be very happy that I came in and got help, which I thought was odd for a doctor to do. I also met a very wonderful intern down there that I ended up seeing off and on in the hospital for the rest of my time there who told me near the end of my stay that the whole hospital had heard about me and was watching my case.
Anyways they put me in a room in the worst part of the cardio care unit around midnight or so. There were two rooms there where only one nurse was assigned to take care of those rooms (usually there is one nurse to four to six rooms). When I got to my room, I asked one of the people there if they had extra pillows, because I could only sleep sitting up, bent forward over pillows. They told me probably not, but they would look. Minutes later she came back with five pillows for me and told me to keep and hide them because she never has seen extra pillows like that. Thank the Lord! Later that week I learned I could also use the rolling hospital table and put it over the bed and put pillows on it to sleep on. My first nurse in that room ended up being a baby Christian. She was very excited to meet us and we her. She was very happy to hear how we had three of our babies at home and that we trust the Lord with our health. She had come to believe people do not trust Him enough. We got to have some fellowship with her on her shifts for the two weeks I was in that room. We were watching her grow in the Lord and she was watching my testimony happen. Amen.
The next day they began doing tests on me; x-rays, CT/scans, blood tests, EKG's, echocardiograms, etc. All of it was very difficult because most of the stuff they wanted to do you have to lean back or lay down for, neither of which I could do at all without stopping breathing. They had to keep figuring out new ways to deal with me because of this. During everything I was not moved at all. My husband was in constant turmoil and panic and stress and weeping and crying out to God. He was also in constant fellowship with Leisa who stayed with us almost all the time day and night. The Lord was breaking my husband so he would have a broken and contrite spirit, and the fruit of the Lord was showing in him more and more minute by minute. After a few days (I think on Friday) they said that they had discovered a large mass in my chest right in the area where my husband saw the scorpion which had, obviously, returned when my husband became angry over his ear. They said it was pushing on my heart which was making water collect in my lungs and in the sac around my heart and because of this I had a pleural effusion. Both lungs had fluid in them, but one was worse than the other.
Before they really told us about the mass we had a very forceful surgeon come in. He was a young guy and he came in and I had been told that he was going to do a procedure called a "window" to open up and drain the fluid out of the sac around my heart. So he came in and asked if I knew why he was there. I said, Yes, you want to do a window. He said, No, do you know why I am here?, and I said, Well, they said you are the surgeon that wants to do a window to drain the fluid from my heart. He said, No one told you? I said, Yes, they told me you want to do a window. LOL. Then he very forcefully and (not meanly at all and not with any ill intent) but with no tact yelled out at us, "YOU HAVE CANCER. IT IS CANCER". (Sorry. This makes me laugh to picture him doing this.) It is funny, it had never once occurred to me that it could be cancer. I really didn't think much about it, because regardless what it would be physically called I knew it was a spiritual problem and I was still waiting on the Lord to deal with it and believing it was accomplished 2000 years ago. When he yelled this out I wasn't moved. I said ok, and looked at my husband and he was not as moved as I thought he would be either. Surely it was the Lord's peace only that this did not stir us up and I think that surprised the doctor.
We finally got on to talking about the window procedure and I asked him how they were going to do this since I can't lay down. Then this doctor went on and on with great urgency about how I needed radiation NOW, how he thought he needed to do the window, but I also needed radiation like now and they cant give me radiation with the openness of the window, so he had to go and figure out what and how to do the window if he was going to since I couldn't lay down. From that time on for weeks I saw about 25 different doctors who were all treating me and deciding what to do. One would come in and tell me what absolutely had to be done and what was going to happen and then five minutes later they would come and tell me something else all day long. Until the first shift ended this would happen. It would have been a roller coaster of emotions, but it wasn't because the Lord is merciful.
They were all very impressed at our reactions to things, that we were not stirred. In all this we could see it was the LORD in control and He began to teach us in all that happened to seek HIM and let HIM deal with the doctors and not to resist or put our hands in what was happening at all. So anyways I didn't want the window procedure and I prayed, Lord, I don't want the window; I have never had surgery and don't want it now. Within an hour, maybe less, the doctor came back and said they weren't going to do the window because I had to have radiation. So I was like, Praise God - I didn't want that window! Then they changed their mind back and forth, I was gonna get the window, I wasn't gonna get the window, over and over again; but we grew in confidence that the Lord was not going to make me do it if we just trusted Him.
Then I met with my oncologist. When he walked into the room, I knew him right away! He was my best friend in high school's father. I had gone to Florida with them and spent a lot of time at their house. They were the only Christian family that I ever really knew very well. He didn't know me because it had been years since I saw him. I told him who I was and he was moved from then on. He is a very gentle man, very caring, a good doctor. He and his two other partners, all of whom became my doctors from week to week, are of the same kind of character and I really was blessed to get them. Anyways they decided I would not be getting any radiation yet, they first needed to figure out what type cancer it was to know how to treat it. That began again the whole window/no window thing, but finally they decided no window because the anesthesiologist refused to put me to sleep because they thought I would have to stay on a ventilator and they didn't want to do that, and they said the tumor was heavy and would lay on my windpipe so that I couldn't breathe.
The night that that surgeon came in to tell us for the final time that he wasn't going to do the window was the last time we saw him and we will remember it forever. It was at night and my husband, Leisa, another sister of ours Brenda, and my father-in-law Roy were all there visiting. The surgeon came in and told us how they weren't going to do it, etc. My sister in Christ and in law said to the doctor, It's ok, she is healed by Jesus already anyways. Then the surgeon began to say that he believes that Jesus will put you in things to bring you closer to Jesus and his sufferings. He practically preached a 5-mintue sermon to us about this. We were all so surprised at this that we all felt like we were seated in heaven. We kept looking at each other like, is this really happening? Is he really saying these things to us? We had not spoken to him about the Lord and we would never have expected this to come from him and it was very moving as it happened. then I said (which I have no memory of, but was told what I said), Well, that is true that Jesus puts us through hard things and that is why he is stopping you from being able to do this surgery the way you want to and is stopping you at every turn, because he wants us to draw closer to Him. Then the doctor's jaw dropped open and He left the room.
Immediately my husband said, "You gotta be kidding me". He could not believe the doctor just said all that, so my husband followed him out to the hallway and my husband asked him if he was full of xxxx. (LOL.) The doctor told my husband that I am so young and nice and have so many children, he just wants to do everything he can to help me. And the doctor was crying and my husband was crying and they hugged, and my husband said, that is the first time he has ever looked at someone and felt like he was looking at the Lord. My father-in-law who struggles with the Lord and has not even been baptized yet was so moved that he was in the room with us crying and he still tells people this testimony. He walked out of that room so moved that he felt like I should just be healed right there and come home. He didn't understand what the Lord would continue to do with this trial.
The day nurse I had was a very caring, loving man. One day he came in and told me that he had gone home and put the measurements that they gave me of the tumor into a 3D program to figure out the actual size. Some of the doctors were comparing it to soccer ball size. He said that the 3D program came out saying it figured out to 7 x 7 x 7. I don't know how that's possible, but either way I knew that it was perfect and from the Lord's hand when he told us. That nurse was great. He did not agree with our religious choices, but he did not ever try to push us and always told us over and over again how these things are up to us, everything we decide to do is our choice in what we believe in. I was having a lot of good nurses. A couple of them were standing up for me with the doctors because even though we were not moved or stirred by all the different changes and opinions and decisions that were happening from moment to moment, some of the nurses would hear from the doctors and tell them that they'd better go get their stuff together before they come and tell me anything else.
I forgot to put here that before they found the mass they had found the fluid in my lungs, so they came in and had me lean forward on a table and they put a big needle through my back into my left lung and drain the fluid out. They filled a whole big bag and it was bloody water and very dark red. They were concerned and said that because this was red and bloody they were going to find all this different stuff in it when they tested it. When it got to the lab people to test it, it was clear liquid and they found nothing wrong in it whatsoever like they expected to find and the doctor came and told me the fluid was clear! The Lord made that change from bloody to CLEAR! AMEN! I have a picture of it when it was taken out, but I don't know how to get it online from off my phone.
I have to add something in here. One of the days all this was going on the surgeon came in with this huge list of things he was worried about, just frantic over what to do with me. When he left the room we were just trusting in the Lord to work it all out and when he came back in he was calm and said there is only one thing he was now concerned with and that wasn't a big deal. LOL. Nothing had changed except the Lord's intervention.
So now they are needing to do all these tests to find out what kind of cancer. First they checked to see if there were any lymph nodes swollen even a little bit so they could remove it and test it, but there weren't any because the Lord already healed them - amen. Then they did a bone marrow biopsy where I had to lay on my stomach which I was able to do, while they took these long needle-like tubes and bored them into my back to get through the bone. Usually they do this twice (two holes), but each time my body would not give them anything, so they had to do four and finally got a little piece to test, but that came back completely 100% healthy and didn't help them. AMEN. So then they had to take me to get a biopsy of my tumor itself which they did by inserting a needle into my side straight through into the tumor and extracting material from it, and by that they found out it was non-Hodgkins B-cell lymphoma, so they decided that I needed chemotherapy, six rounds one every three weeks. At the point in time that I am writing this down I have one left to go, next week.
During this time, before I got any further treatment, within this next couple of weeks in the hospital I only got to see my four children one time. I missed them terribly. We were still having constant fellowship up there, but still I was hardly present for any of it. My husband in that couple weeks learned how to fast, how to seek the Lord to heal him, how to step out and pray for others openly with them, even strangers. There were a lot of divine appointments during the whole time. My husband's love for others grew tremendously. He had to stay awake many nights watching me sleep to make sure I was breathing and was ok. It was very emotional for him, but for me it was not at all, yet. After that couple of weeks they moved me up to another private room, but I was not as watched over. I hardly remember that room at all.
Now I have to add something in here real quick. I did not have my father growing up. He moved to Florida when I was one year old and I didn't see him or hardly talk to him. In October I got a hold of him again for my mother and began to talk to him. He had forgotten I existed, but, very strangely, he began to love me instantly. I had already forgiven him and spoke to him about that. I also had a half-sister I had never met but had spoken to a couple times many years ago, and a half-brother who I met once. I met them both in October and had spoken to them a couple times. When we found out what kind of cancer it was, my dad and brother and sister were told and my dad decided to come here to see me right away. They decided to keep this from me and let it be a "surprise". I was scheduled to get my first chemo on March 19th and they had put a PIC line in my right arm to give it to me through.
A day or two before this first chemo my sister came to the hospital to tell me that our dad was coming here to see me. She could not subject me to finding out with a surprise. We visited for awhile, etc. When my husband heard she came and told me he was very angry. He had thought it should be a surprise and I was very upset that he thought that was a good idea. I did not mind seeing him for the first time in practically my whole life, but I didn't want to deal with it at the same time as getting this chemo, and he was already on his drive here and would be here the day after my chemo, so we have some troubles over that. My husband upset with my sister, me upset at my husband, and then him upset with me, it began to be emotional. I knew the Lord was in control of this and was ok with it. I just didn't want a surprise like that.
The day before I was supposed to get the first chemo round my husband and I spent a lot of time in prayer deciding IF we were going to do this chemo or just trust the Lord. I knew before this point that most of this hospital stay up to this point was about my husband and the Lord and that no matter what I am to obey my husband and have faith in God through it. So really it was up to my husband what we should do. After all I wouldn't even be in the hospital if he didn't tell me I had to go. So anyways we were deciding this and my husband was very broken and confused. He wanted so badly to be able to trust the Lord to heal me and he truly did not want to subject me to poison, but he was not sure if he had the faith to walk believing the Lord would heal me and he didn't want me to die. That night we went back and forth many times and finally the Lord gave him peace about it and he decided I was going to get the chemo. I was ok with that. Whatever he decided I was ok with. I have confidence that the word of God is true, that I am already healed 2000 years ago regardless of what it appears like and regardless of this trial, and I remembered the promise in the word of God that if we shall drink any deadly thing, it shall in no wise harm us! We even wrote that scripture on a board in my room and prayed it and stood on it and still stand on it each time I get a round of chemo.
So the morning comes when they are supposed to begin this chemo at 9:00 am. They hook me up to saline to hydrate me while the pharmacy is getting the meds ready. As we are sitting there I realize my arm where the PIC line is feels really funny, and when I looked my whole arm was swollen up and heavy so that I couldn't lift it. It was huge! So there was a problem. They couldn't put the chemo in me through that line now, so they had to take me downstairs and take this one out and find out how to give me a new line. While I was waiting to go down for this a brother from Florida called us. His name is David Eells and he and a brother Frank had been praying for me that morning and they had to call and tell me what happened. They said that when they were praying Frank saw an unclean spirit leave out of me and he said that it was confirmation to him that I was healed that morning and that I should be feeling a warm sensation. So my husband asked me if I felt anything warm. The amazing thing is that I was! But I had not mentioned it because I thought it must be something causing by my swollen up arm! AMEN. I knew also that I was healed that day no matter what it appears.
So then they took me down and they got this thing out of my arm and got me prepped on a table to get a line put in my leg and while the lady was prepping me she was singing this song that I just totally hate. It just sounds really patriotic to me and I don't like it at all. So I was thinking about how I hate this song and the Lord spoke to me and said, Listen. So I began to listen to her sing and the Lord began interpreting for me why He had her singing this song even though she didn't know it. This is what I heard:
"Let freedom Ring" (He was setting me free)
"Let the white dove sing" (let the Holy Spirit sing)
"Let the whole world know that today is a day of reckoning" (it was a day of reckoning against these evil spirits; God made war on them and delivered me)
"Let the weak be strong" (when I am weak He is strong)
"Let the hearts be one" (which isn't the right lyric, but is what she sang - Let my heart and God's be one)
"Roll the stone away; let the guilty pay" (he was coming against my enemies)
"It's independence day" (again it was the day of my freedom).
I just laid there and cried as the Lord revealed this to me and it was again confirmed to me that I was healed that day, praise God. Then she had to take a scan of my leg and I asked if she could do one of my chest, because I never got to see what they said was in there. She was not supposed to, but did and let me look at it and then erased it. I saw nothing there, and I knew that was just for me to see. During the time that I was down there my husband was talking to Frank on the phone in the hospital room and was hearing many testimonies and was very encouraged, and they thought that we should ask for another scan before doing any chemo. My husband did not want me to have to do the chemo and wanted to walk in faith, but still felt he couldn't. He felt like he shouldn't ask for another scan, but he wanted to get one so I wouldn't have to do the chemo. He knew he was supposed to not put his hand in it and should be able to trust the Lord, but couldn't, so he asked the doctor for another scan and he refused. Now my husband was in another difficult spot. Now he has heard I am healed, but cannot get a scan to see it, and he wanted to believe it, but couldn't believe it without seeing it.
When they were ready to do the chemo he was torn again and we held them off for hours while we went back to the Lord about this. He was not showing us anything or telling us anything and my husband was torn in two and was under terrible attack of the enemy. He so badly wanted to walk out of there and put it in the Lord's hands, but felt he couldn't. Finally clarity came and we realized that even though I knew I was healed, my husband didn't know. And the Lord had already shown us the night before to do the chemo because that is where my husband's faith was at, so we finally agreed to do it. This was hard for some brethren, because they couldn't understand why I would get poisoned if I were healed, but I am to obey my husband; and the Lord was doing all these things to bring us closer to HIM and my husband couldn't stand in faith yet with me that I was healed. The chemo went just fine.
The next day my dad arrived. It was good to see him. We talked about his guilt and how I was relieving him of it, how I forgave him and there was no need to keep apologizing and going over it, that we can just go from here out. It was very nice. I saw him that day and the next he got to spend time with my kids at my mother's house and they liked him, too, then he had to go home.
Sometime after this the doctor let me leave the hospital. I had a temperature, but he thought I may get more sick in the hospital than at home. I went home with my kids that night and the next morning my temp got so high that I had to go back to the hospital. I was pretty upset over it. But I cherished that one night with my babies so much!
The line in my leg got infected and got a blood clot, which was the problem with my arm, a blood clot; both were my right side. So they had to take it out and begin giving me IV's in my left arm for anything I needed, because my right arm was unusable because of the clot. I forgot to mention, by this time I could lay down all the way, PRAISE GOD. Then I got an abscess on my posterior on the left side from sleeping sitting up on it for so long a time, so they had to drain it and then put me on antibiotics which were very strong and were tearing my veins up in my arm. Now things were really beginning to wear on me. I had handled everything difficult with ease, but now my flesh had had enough and even the thought of getting a new IV was making me cry. The infectious disease doctor said I could not go home till I was on IV antibiotics for 6 to 8 weeks and I broke down. I missed my babies so much and was so sick of being poked and messed with. I got another chemo in the hospital and after a week on the antibiotics they wanted to do a scan of the abscess to see if it was better. They did a scan on a Saturday and said there is more fluid there; we need to drain it again. I did not want to do it, I was so broken by the constant poking. I was going through two or three IVs a day and they couldn't find more places in that same arm to put them plus the taking by blood each day to test.
They decided to re-drain this abscess on Monday which was the day after Easter. Before that a strange thing happened. When they tested my white blood count, which fight off any infection, was WAY high, so much so that the doctor didn't trust the count, and the next day it was high, as well, less than the day before but still very high. I felt like the Lord flooded me with white cells to fight this abscess.
Before this time I began to lose my hair on my pillow at night and then it would just be a rat's nest, so I was keeping it up. It could not stay untangled no matter what I did and I would pray and prepare myself each time before I brushed it. I would sing to the Lord as I brushed it and tons of hair would come out, but I had peace about it. My husband had faith it would not all come out and the Lord told my husband that He was going to give me a new glory (since the hair is the glory of the Lord). The Lord also told Leisa separately that He was going to give my husband and I a new glory. Praise God. (At this point in time that I am writing this it is almost all gone.)
Now, the day after Easter I got up encouraged to praise the Lord and pray and sing and I was reading a book about healing. It was what I already knew, but it was encouraging either way. I really did not want to go get this abscess drained again and the Lord put it in my heart to ask him to deliver me from it, so I prayed that when they get me down there that they find no fluid. They do a CT/scan of the area to mark the spot to put the needle so if they found no fluid they would not need to poke me. I was very much attacked after this by the enemy wanting me to doubt that God would deliver me, but I kept fighting, and telling God, I know you can do it. Ten days before this the Lord had told my husband something and he told me he would not tell me until it was time. So Sunday night he told me what it was. He told me that he had been counting up on the calendar how many days I had been in the hospital and it was 30 or 31, and the Lord told him I would be there for 40 days. He told me Sunday night and Monday was the 40th day.)
Well, they came and got me to go down to the draining. Now, it was odd on the way down because the guy who takes me down there and I were talking and we got into a conversation about lunch. I said to him, How about I go to lunch and you go get a needle stuck in your butt. He said, "I don't think they are gonna do that to ya". That was odd, because he knew well that is why we were going down there. When we got down there they got me all ready on the table and put me through the scan and marked the spot. I was afraid, but fighting it and talking to the Lord that I knew he can deliver me. A couple of minutes later the guy in the booth yelled out, "We're done". The guy standing with me said, "I guess we're done". I said, You mean done totally? He got a funny look on his face and said, "Let me go check". He went in and checked and came out and said, "Yep, yer done! There is nothing there to drain, so we don't have to do it.
I just laid there and cried at the deliverance and mercy of the Lord. I think he was kind of shocked and he asked if I was ok. I told him that is what I have prayed for all morning is that there would be nothing there. I could hardly say it. I was just praising God. I was so full of joy and relief. He got me in my wheelchair and took me to where the other guy was supposed to take me back to my room, but the other guy was busy for a minute, so he said to me, Ya know what, you have been down here enough, I will take you back myself! How perfectly in the Lord! The whole way back he taught me how to say good-bye in different languages. It was perfect, because I had seen this man many times in my stay, I had to go down there a lot for all different things and he did not know he would not see me again while at the hospital, so it was like the Lord was delivering me out of there fast and put it in him to say good-bye to me in so many different ways.
The rest of the day we sat waiting to see if I would get to go home, because it was the 40th day. The doctor who came and had say over me leaving came and went, but we didn't give up. I got a new infectious disease doctor that day and the only thing keeping me there was that I was on IV antibiotics and the first doctor did not want to budge at all on me going on orals so I could go home. He insisted on all these weeks of IV. But I got a new doctor that day, who the other doc had told me would hardly speak to me. He said, He will come in, tell you what he wants and then leave and hardly speak a word to you). When the new doctor came in he was wonderful, very nice, very impressed that from Saturday to Monday there was no fluid there, and in minutes said, "I have no problem releasing you now on oral antibiotics". AMEN! So now it was up to my oncologist to release me, but he was already gone for the day. The nurse called him and told him what happened and he sent in the order for me to go home that day! Just like the Lord said! AMEN!!!
It was like coming out of the wilderness of temptation - amen - it was wonderful.
Since then I have had three more chemo rounds. One to go. I have no problems with them. The only problem I have had is, the day before each one I have to go in and have a temporary line put in my leg to get the chemo through. This has been hard for me even though it is an easy procedure. Each time the Lord shows me ahead of time what is happening. One time I had a dream that I went in for the line and bore a child there, which I feel means FRUIT BORN IN TRIAL, and when I got out the enemy tried to steal my baby. This proved true and I quickly had trials to lose that fruit, but overcame because I had been warned in the dream and watched for it.
The last time I had one I had a dream that I went in and the table where I lay was made into a table for food. A nurse told me that there was good news: "You have no more gray matter now". Then she said she was glad because she was getting annoyed at how I would come in and say I was so cold and I would sit next to the furnace to get hot. Now since there was no more gray matter, I wouldn't have this problem anymore. I looked up gray matter and it is in your brain. It is the part of your brain that receives signal from your sensory organs and tells the body how to react to the outside stimulus of touch, taste, sound, sight, and hearing! So I had no more of this gray matter spiritually! I was not going to be reacting to my natural senses! AMEN!!!! Talk about death to self. Praise God. May I be dead and Him live in me!
Originally they set me up for six rounds which each were three weeks apart, so my sixth was three weeks ago. But as it came closer to the sixth the doctors kept saying to me that I would probably have to have at least one or two more because my "disease was so large". I was not agreeing with that and we were praying to be done, but the doctors were pretty sure I would need more chemo. So two weeks after that sixth chemo treatment they had me do a PET scan to see how it was going and I returned back to the doctor 7/23/09 to get my results. Now, I have to say that the flesh is deceitful and partners with the enemies of our souls to kill again the Lord and His promises in us! The wickedness and deceit of the flesh is not enough realized. After I had my scan and we were praying for it to be clear, my flesh with the enemies of my soul began a rapid campaign against The Lord and me. All of a sudden I was having symptoms again that I had not had since before I went into the hospital! I was having pain in my side. If I laid down fast on my back it felt like I couldn't breathe because of the pain until I would get adjusted. If I tried to lay on my left side the pain was terrible and I would have to shift more towards laying on my stomach until I got used to it and then could be on my side. My jaw was hurting. If I got up and walked I was fine, but when I sat down my heart was pounding and my side hurting for a minute or so until it rested. I knew these things were lies and were not true because these kind of things have happened to me before. A few times when I had been totally fine day after day for long periods and then I would have to be having faith towards a good report my body would start trying to manifest symptoms to discount my faith. In every time before this one as soon as I would catch it and rebuke it every pain and symptom would flee away instantly like it was never there. But this time it was not fleeing and while every evil imagination was coming my way those were easily cast down, but the pain was not and seemed to be getting worse. In the bathroom we have a Promises Bread box that holds little cards with the promises of God on them. My husband one day during this last week drew one out asking the Lord for a word about my scan and the Lord gave him: (just the underlined portion was on the card) (1Ki.8:56) Blessed [be] the LORD, that hath given rest unto his people Israel, according to all that he promised: there hath not failed one word of all his good promise, which he promised by the hand of Moses his servant. AMEN! So he told me and that helped me fight. I kept rebuking my flesh and replacing any evil thoughts with this promise, but the pain and discomfort was still growing and as the day got closer to get the results the attacks increased. The day before or so I had asked the Lord for another promise to fight them with (keep in mind, I also remember in these times the word of God in full that I walk by faith, but for extra artillery toward this fight that is given to me in this moment was the purpose of this) so out of the daily bread box I got this verse: (Isa.54:17) No weapon that is formed against thee shall prosper. Amen. So those really helped a lot and I thank God for His mercies in our troubles. When we are weak He truly is strong, and He gives us help in our times of need.
So the battle was raging in my body, but over my mind the Lord was winning!! Then came time to go to the doctor and my flesh was sick feeling, but my husband kept encouraging me and I kept reminding myself of the last day in the hospital and His wonderful deliverance and I kept telling him, I know you are mighty to deliver and you did it that day and many times before and will do it today also! My husband also told me that when he was at work the day before every time he thought about me the Lord kept telling him, "She will be fine; everything is good".
So I got to the doctor and he asked me how I was. I did not tell him right away anything that had been happening because I did not want to confess any bad report and I knew it was just my flesh trying to deceive me anyways. He began checking me out and he said with a smile we got your PET back and it showed no activity. I really did not know what no activity meant, but he had a smile, so I knew it was a good report! Then he began to say that what that means is that the chemo had worked and so we were done with the chemo. PRAISE GOD! My husband and I were like, Amen, thank God, and the doctor said, Ok, hold on. He didn't want us getting ahead of ourselves. He said he wanted me now to get some radiation on the site to make sure that there were no living cancer cells at all that weren't detected. I was fine with that I was so thankful to have a good report and no more chemo! God is faithful AMEN! So they sent me down to the doctor who does the radiation. He is very nice. He has seven kids, he said, which we thought was cool. He said to us something along the lines of, "So you were diagnosed, did chemo and it worked. Thank God, yes. We were like, Yes amen! He said the radiation will be very easy, a few minutes a day for five days a week for four weeks. He said compared to chemo it is nothing. Then when we were leaving I was reading his card and the back of his business card says, "GOD IS THE HEALER", and again I was like AMEN! and I was thanking God for His faithfulness and deliverance and I was praying that since I know He is working these things out for our good and these trials work good for us I praised him for the trial and that while He has made it easier it is not yet over which means He has more good towards us through the rest of what is going to be done.
And since I left the doctor I have not been having any of the pain or symptoms or discomfort I was having before I went! I knew it was a lie and indeed it was. I can lay down any way just like normal, can walk around and sit down with no difference, no pain, etc. Amen.
When I went for the scan so they can plan out the radiation the woman who did the scan was a Spirit-filled believer and we had wonderful fellowship for the hour I was there! Beside that they did the scan and said there is nothing there at all! No mass, no nothing except some scar tissue. Amen. The doctor had said before that there would probably always be a mass there, it just would have no living cancer cells in it, but with this scan they said there is NOTHING, no mass, which is terrific because since it was so totally large at first they expected it to take more than this to get it to nothing (of course we know Jesus did it!) and then they expected there always to be something there, but already there is nothing. AMEN. PRAISE GOD!
A week or two from the beginning of radiation the Lord gave me a dream where in it a doctor told me that the mass was gone but that they did not remove the baby. In my dream I was like, What baby? And she said there is a baby and you are 9 months along and he weighs 8 pounds!
Well, I knew this is speaking about the final fruit that will be born in me in Christ at the end of this trial. It was significant to me that in the dream the mass (curse) was gone, but the baby (fruit) was still there. Amen. Also that they said in it I was 9 months which means two things: it means in fleshly time tables 9 months is about to be delivered, this trial was to be over, as far as doctors go, September 8th. AND it means I got "pregnant" with this growing fruit in December/January which is when I began the serious part of this trial! Also, 8 is the number of circumcision, the cutting off of the flesh. AMEN. Through this whole thing I knew that after the initial repentance the entire point of the rest of the trial is to cut off the old man and come more into Christ's image, so I am thankful to see in this dream that the fruit of this is eighth (8th) cutting off of the flesh with the bearing of a boy child Christ in me! Praise God!!!