Jenni Davis - 06/30/2009
My name is Jenni and this is my testimony. A candid and completely truthful sharing of how God works in a person's life to save them from themselves and move them on to allowing enough of themselves to die so that Christ can be formed in them- which is the high calling of all Believers. To this day we wait in this joyful hope of Christ forming in us -as we long to be like he is. Pure Love.
The beginning of my "awakening"
On December 3, 2006 my four-year-old daughter drew this picture while I was cooking Sunday breakfast. I have six children and they were all watching Rudolph and I remember seeing my four-month-old twin's feet kicking with excitement. Sophie left the movie and climbed up to the counter and drew this picture; then she went and finished the movie. I looked at the picture and was stunned; it was obvious Who she drew but she didn't even know Who Jesus was! Things were nuts in the house. Breakfast was ready, so I put the picture up to ask her about it later. I was so shocked she drew Jesus because up to that day I had never told them about Jesus -- certainly not crucifixion. I didn't have a firm understanding of it myself and I couldn't have explained it to her. I had never shown her a picture of Jesus or explained anything of faith to her. That is why I was so shocked when she had clearly drawn Jesus. The house was busy and I was running late for a friend's child's birthday party. I fed the kids breakfast, cleaned up, bathed all the other kids and got them ready for the party. I was taking the older four with me and I was leaving the twins with Daddy. I rushed the four older kids to the car, told my husband one of the babies was going to need his diaper changed and headed for the door.
Something (God) stopped me and told me to change him myself. I put all my stuff down, knowing my other kids were in the car and we were late and I changed his bottom. I powdered him up, rubbed down his chest and gave him a hug and kiss. I told him I loved him and he gave me the biggest smile. I then left for the party. Later, returning home, I turned onto the road and pulled behind an ambulance going to my house. Minutes before we made it home, one of my twin four-month-old boys, Baby Cash, passed away of SIDS (Sudden Infant Death Syndrome).
The next morning, my sister had to bathe me. I was too delirious and weak. I leaned against the sink after I stepped from the tub and cried. My sister left the room to get me a warm towel from the dryer. I was so heartbroken and pained and in shock that I could hardly function. Only seconds after trying to steady myself on the sink, I felt the warmest hand on my shoulder. Even totally in shock and pain, I remember thinking how large and masculine my sister's hands were and boy did I feel great love and compassion in her touch. I turned to thank her but there was no one there; clearly God was holding me up.
About a week after Cash's service, I woke up to a voice reminding me of the picture my daughter Sophie drew. Every morning I woke up I was disappointed I was even alive. I didn't have the heart to even live. But the voice that woke me up reminded me of something amazing that Sophie drew which, in my grief, I had completely forgotten about. I tore the house apart until I found it. When I held it in my hands I burst into tears, made myself a pot of coffee and waited for Sophie to wake up. I drank my coffee and stared at that crayon picture and cried and cried with new tears of hope. Clearly Jesus was real and He came Himself for my son.
When she came down that morning, I held the picture out to her, not making a big deal out of it, trying to prompt a casual answer from her. I asked, "Sophie, who is this picture you drew?" She said "Oh, mommy, He had owies on his hands and feet". (Note from David: Notice the nail holes in the drawing.) I said "Where did you see him?" Sophie pointed up and said, "Up there". I asked if she saw him upstairs. She said, "No, I saw him up in the sky by the sun". I asked her if he spoke to her and she said, "Yes". I asked her what he said and she said, "He said He is going to bring everybody's babies back, Mommy".
My faith could not be stronger now. God and I are very close and He is carrying a huge part of my pain. I asked Him to because I couldn't function with that knife in my heart. I told him I wasn't strong enough to carry that load and He is helping me. It is amazing to me the huge signs and people He has sent my way. My family has grown from leaps and bounds since we have lost our precious baby. My older kids even pray before they eat a candy bar. It is adorable and it is not from pressure from me; it is out of their own appreciation for God and His caring for their baby brother. It has taken me almost two years to shake my childhood religious upbringing, which is why I stopped going to church when I was young. The God I was raised believing in was angry and mad and vengeful; not at all the God of comfort and love that I have now learned to know. Our loving Jesus is about grace, love and mercy. He has taken my old hard and broken heart and replaced it with His soft and graceful one. He is changing me day by day, bringing light into my heart to see Him for who He really is -- a loving God.
I will admit, I wonder why God would go to these extremes to comfort me, but allow my baby to be taken. Death and disease knows no age, or race, or good or bad. If that were true, all the bad people would be gone and only good would be on earth. No, death is not a punishment. Death is a result of the fall of man from God's gift of free will. God holds the keys of life and death but He saves the faithful when they pass through during death. I believe He cries with us and wants us to ask for His help and comfort. I am honored and surprised at God's love for me and my family. I know He takes all that the devil means for bad and uses it for our good. I trust in the bigger picture only God can see.
I now know He loves us all this much. He just wants us to love Him back and to talk to Him so He can save us and help us along in this life. He doesn't expect us to be perfect. Look at the love He showed me and I am far from it. He does, however, want to teach us to be like Him, which is loving; that is His perfect wish for us -- perfect love toward each other. Jesus wants us to believe in Him. He misses us and He wants a personal relationship with us. Don't just recite off prayers to Him; talk to Him. Ask Him for help in your sorrows and thank Him for your good times, too. There is nothing about you He wouldn't just love to have you share with Him and no problem or bondage is too awful that he can't help free you from or for Him to help you resolve. I will never neglect His love again and I thank Him daily for taking care of my Baby Cash.
Let us not forget and wait for the glorious day when He does what He told Sophie that He was going to do. He is going to bring everyone's babies back! " I do believe He is coming soon! What a great God we have!