Suani Guzman - 02/16/2008
Through time, God had been teaching me to let go and trust Him for everything and little by little I was letting go but there was one thing I hadn't let go and that was having children because I didn't want them to go through the tribulation. But God had His own plan and He gave me a great desire to have a child and in a month I had my son on the way. I thought that that was it and resumed taking things into my own hands. Four years later, God helped me to surrender that part of my life and soon we had my daughter on the way. I told God that if He wanted me to have 10 kids that it was OK with me and that I would not meddle in this area anymore. Well, after I had my daughter the doctor ruptured my womb and I was hemorrhaging without them knowing it; on top of that, the inexperienced doctor scraped the wall of my uterus so much that the scar tissue grew to seal my womb off completely. My husband was extremely upset and insisted that we sue them. But I took it as an answer from God so I wouldn't have more kids. Three years passed and everything was fine until some fluid started to form in the fallopian tubes and couldn't get out. It became increasingly painful until it was unbearable.
Around that time God pulled me out of church and I was so hurt because leaving wasn't pretty. So I cried out to God because I knew it was Him Who called me out. I prayed a lot in those days and He started to teach me a lot of things and open my eyes to His sovereignty. A few days later my friend gave me the book Sovereign God and I cried so much because in all my years of wandering from church to church I had been seeking people that agreed with the Bible and His truth and finally I found it. My friends also lent me a video by Brother David Eells. I was so excited about faith because I grew up hearing stories from my dad about great miracles in his life. I had seen some of my own but when I started going to church they told me it was all over now.
So now I got my faith back and decided that He was going to heal me. I didn't want to take pain killers but the pain was so unbearable I finally broke down and started to take them. At first I thought I had failed in my faith and felt terrible but as I grappled a few days with that I came to the conclusion that He understood that I couldn't bear it and it was not an obstacle for Him to heal. My husband took me to the doctor and they said I needed surgery and that there was a risk of rupturing my womb again. I said, "NO, THANK YOU". I told my husband that God was going to heal me. It happened that we were planning a trip to Mexico that would last two months and off we went with a treatment that was supposed to help me. I just got worse, so I threw it out. All through our trip I was really sick with lots of pain. Many times I had doubts and fears but would say to myself that God is not a liar and that He would come through. I gave testimony to my family that God would heal me. While in a big city my husband made an appointment without me knowing it and when I found out I told him to cancel it because God would heal me. It was very hard but to God be the glory for not letting me go and giving me strength to carry on and not give up. We drove 7000 miles and as we were coming back we stopped at my husband's hometown and said our goodbyes. My sister-in-law, who is a veterinarian, warned me that I could get cancer and I told her that God would heal me.
On the 14th of February 2007, as we were getting ready to cross the border into the US, GOD OPENED MY WOMB! Right away I told my husband and he was incredulous. The next three days would prove a trial because I was in great pain with a terrible hemorrhage and could hardly walk. That night fears came that I was bleeding to death and that I should run to an emergency room. I cried to God and told Him that strength was not in me and that He needed to see me through or I wasn't going to make it. The next day we continued our trip to Salt Lake City, where we live. I was much better and we had a project at home waiting. We were putting a wood floor in. My husband said to go lay down and I said that I didn't need to and we began the work, lifting heavy boxes. Within a week I was completely well and am well to this day. I wanted to write this because it's the anniversary of the healing and also to say that since then my children and I haven't been to any doctor and we don't take any medications either. We even told the dentist that we won't be going back. It sounds like I'm not submissive to my husband in many ways but I can tell you that God has been changing me to trust Him and to be very submissive because God directs him.
I have been waiting for 15 years to see my husband come back to the Lord. It has been an awesome journey. All the things I've gone through were all part of my training. I started out reading the Bible since I was little. I knew God in my spirit from when I was born. I remember always praying to Him. When I was a teen my dad got into the new age and adjusted God to be new age, too. When I was 18 my dad made me take hallucinatory mushrooms and I had a terrible experience with them. That is when Christ Himself came to me and showed me His love and gave me instructions. After that I didn't think about suicide anymore.
I prayed for a husband all the time. He had to be a Christian, of course. I met him on a bus when neither of us should have been there. There were many signs that he was the one but one of the most astounding is that his town had the same phone number I had when I lived in a city of five million people. After seven months we got married. I thought that my life of deep suffering was over but I discovered it had just taken a new form. I cried most of the time because I discovered that my husband said he was a Christian but he had left off following the Lord. I tried everything from manipulating to nagging. It just got worse and worse.
In 1995 we came to live in the U.S. from Mexico. I started to listen to Christian radio and got to know more about the real Jesus versus the new age Jesus. My half brother baptized me in the bathtub and soon after I received the Holy Spirit, although the religion I was listening to didn't teach that. That was a whole journey through Babylon. I have always read the Word a lot, so I knew that many things they were teaching were wrong. After church-hopping for a few years, I settled in a small one for a while but the Lord finally started to stir my soul so much that I had to get out.
Around that time I got very sick and was seeking the Lord and He started to teach me about His sovereignty. Then my friends and brothers in the Lord, the Maxfields, gave me the book Sovereign God and it was like, WOW! I read it through and cried and cried because I found the God I knew in my spirit since I was a kid. The Lord took me through a three-month trial with pain and then healed me.
The whole time I wanted to be a submissive wife and tried to be and thought that I was, but I really wasn't. The Lord started to give really good dreams of instruction and some really good spankings, too. Slowly but surely, through the three or so years of listening to the Unleavened Bread Bible Studies, I have been learning to die to myself, to really be submissive and walk by faith and grace with my husband. I have to thank God for all the trouble, though. If it wasn't for the suffering, I don't think I would have learned. From my first of many, many beatings at eight months of age and through all the rest of my sufferings, I have learned that the way of the cross is always better. The fruit is so worth it.
About two years ago, I got a date from the Lord and I thought it was going to be a terrorist attack on 9/24. Well, nothing happened but I did get a whole bunch of people wired up. Afterward, I got some heat for it. It was really hard for me because I had missed God somehow. Well, come 9/17 this year my husband was given a spirit of infirmity and a week later on 9/24 he came back to the Lord. Through it all I am learning sooo much. As a child of God, I'm learning to hear my Father's voice, to obey, to be patient, not jump to conclusions and to accept my cross, no matter how hard.
I just want to encourage some of you out there who are on the Calvary road. The more of Christ, the easier it gets. Right now I'm just learning to abide in the rest, while still seeking God for the full manifestation of His Son. I'm praying that my husband will be a witness for his people in Mexico.
Please pray for me, that I won't want to teach anybody anything; that is not my job and I beat myself over the head (not literally) often because I spoke more than I should have. The Lord teaches me so much and I get so excited that I start talking about it and I get in trouble because I don't have an anointing from God to teach and it often comes out wrong. I believe that the Lord will have His way in me and that this too shall pass, to give way only for JESUS.