I am on my cross, across from Him, and there is a mighty storm.

He is so calm, even while in pain.

The thunder roars and the lightning strikes. I am not calm. I am kicking and screaming trying to figure out a way to get my flesh down.

WHY DOES IT HAVE TO BE THIS WAY!? I angrily yell.

He answers me softly: This is the only way to die.

But couldn't I get down and allow my flesh to die another way, something easier and less painful, like fasting?

He doesn't answer me. It seems as if he is praying . He speaks suddenly and loudly saying,

FATHER, INTO YOUR HANDS I COMMEND MY SPIRIT.

The thunder and lightening seem to grow stronger and louder. Wait! I say, Please don't leave me here alone!! I begin to cry, the nails sting so badly. I want to get down. Please don't leave me stuck here, I say.

Suddenly I see a light. At the presence of this light the storms stops and it seems as if the whole world does too. There is silence, no thunder or lightning, no movement and I can't help but to be still. It is the Lord! I think, surely he is here to rescue me from this awful cross.

His eyes are like fire and his voice thunders , You have kicked and screamed and desired to come down from your cross. You have been so distracted trying to get down and please Me with YOUR own works, that you have missed the reason for you being up there. When my flesh died, I showed you how to live. But here you are kicking and screaming to get down to death.

What does that mean, Lord? I ask.

He says to me with fire in his eyes , It means that if you climb down from that cross, then you will surely die. Sternly he says to me, Your death will be spiritual, because you cannot serve two masters.

I am shocked and I am flooded with guilt. Lord, please forgive me for desiring death over life. Instantly I am calm.

He says to me, I will never leave you or forsake you. And then the light disappears, the world begins to move again and the thunder roars again.

I repeat over and over what the Lord has spoken whenever I feel pain,

Father, into your hands I commend my spirit.

He is firing his darts at my armor and I am weakened.

My grace is sufficient for thee, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.

For some reason I cannot seem to remember this. This enemy's arrows are darkening my path. I can no longer see where I am going.

How did I get here?

My path wasn't this darkened path before me, but it was full of light and clear. There is something beside me. I can't tell what it is, but it looks like a ball of light.

I want to turn my head to see, but my armor is suddenly heavy, my sword and my shield are too.

How did they get so heavy? They weren't this heavy before.

I want to reach out to the light ... I even try... but an arrow darts between us. I am hit and also afraid, so I don't try again.

What is this light? I wonder ... and why is it still beside me?

LORD! LORD!

I cry, How did I get here?

The Lord answers ...

Because you have refused to let Me battle for you, and you have refused to give Me your burdens. The light beside you is Christ. He is waiting to fight for you. Stand behind Him and cast on Him your burdens. They have fallen upon your armor, shield and sword burdening you with heaviness and weakening you for Satan. Give your burdens to Christ. I have sent Him for this purpose. You are weak to the adversary and he has overwhelmed you.

But do not be afraid...

MY grace is sufficient for you, for MY STRENGTH is made perfect in your weakness.

Amen

Its roots reached down forever and its body brought forth leaves.

No sooner than it had grown the leaves a serpent came to pull it under.

Help! The tree screamed, Help!

A flaming two-edged sword is sent from heaven. It cuts the serpent into halves and sets the tree free.

"Go now, and be fruitful", a voice speaks, "so that I may taste of your fruits".

The tree is positioned on top of the waters again and it grows quickly, sprouting healthy leaves and fresh fruits. Soon after bearing these fruits a bigger serpent comes to pull it under, this time succeeding. The tree wrestles the serpent and barely manages to escape and once more a flaming sword is sent and it cuts the serpent into halves.

Once again the tree is positioned on top of the waters. "Go now, be fruitful", a voice speaks, "so that I may taste of your fruits".

The tree grew mightily and its fruits are ripened and ready to be plucked and eaten. And behold, a dragon came out of the mighty waters wanting to devour the mighty tree's fruit. Again a flaming sword came from heaven and the mighty tree used it to cut the dragon into many pieces. So the mighty tree grew even more until it ascended out of the many waters and into the heavens.

Now the tree stood before the Ancient Of Days, and the Son Of Man who is also called The Redeemer, and the mighty tree bowed itself before the Ancient of Days and cast forth its fruits. And it said, "Taste, my Lord, and tell me if I've pleased you".

The Ancient Of days tastes the mighty tree's fruit and is pleased.

He says to it, "Well done, my good and faithful servant. You have earned your place. Welcome home".

He is seated upon a throne that has been here forever; He is I AM.

His presence is amazing and in it I am unable to utter a word. I am mesmerized by the beauty of his righteousness.

There is another man here and his presence is cold and interrupting. Who is this?

He answers, He is your adversary, beware of his mighty sword. The man is clothed in armor. He is prepared to war. He strikes me with his sword.

What is this?! I ask I AM, he answers me, He is your adversary beware of his mighty sword.

Why is he here? I ask I AM, I am afraid and desperate to know. What should I do?!

I AM answers me again, He is your adversary, beware of his mighty sword. He is here to refine you for Me. Do not be afraid of his strikes with the sword for they cannot harm you lest you turn away from my right hand and stray from my commandments. Take this sword and shield so you may be prepared to war. And put on your garments which I have cleansed. Do not look backward nor this way or that way, but keep your eyes forward and on My glory and your adversary shall never overtake you.

Amen

He stretches forth His hands, He is beckoning me to come.

Should I step on the water? What if I sink? I look at Him again, still with His arms stretched out.

I need to be with him! So I step on the water. It's solid!!! What an amazing God!

I begin to run and I am almost near him; I can almost touch his hand. He says to me in a voice so calm, so sweet, so gentle, Keep your eyes on Me and you shall not sink.

I do, but something is speaking and it is loud, it is in my ear. I look around. No one else is here but the Christ, and His voice is soft and gentle, not loud and obnoxious.

Who could this person be? Where is he?

Keep your eyes on Me and you shall not sink, I hear again.

Yes Lord! I say, but I don't, I look down. My flesh is speaking to me. I can see it in the water's reflection. DON'T YOU KNOW THAT WE WILL DIE?! It says to me. DO YOU REALLY WANT THAT FOR US?! HAVE I NOT GIVEN YOU ALL THAT YOUR HEART HAS DESIRED AND MORE? WHAT COULD THIS CHRIST POSSIBLY POSSESS THAT I DON'T HAVE?

I realize that I am beginning to sink. The Christ looks at me with such gentleness. He reaches down his hand and pulls me up. He says to me, Every time you sink I will always be there to pull you up.

Amen